I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
