I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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