I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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