I feel great
I just peed on a car
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
