Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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