Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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