sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
