i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
