No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
