I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
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I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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