I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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