Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
