Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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