i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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