Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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