areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
