doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
