we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
