why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
