How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Mom said you looked used
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
