My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
