Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
