I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
