Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
