I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize