ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
