i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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