how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
