I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he told me I talked like a deaf person
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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