Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
