just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
