he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
