If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My feet surprised me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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