nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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