thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
