Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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