My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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