i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
