best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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