who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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