You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
