i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
