it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
