Please, let me fuck your mom
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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