Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
