It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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