Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
