i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
