you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
