I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
