my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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