Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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