So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
