just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
