my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
