dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
