Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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