Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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