who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
