and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
