I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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