I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
why does every cop we meet know your name?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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