its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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