She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
