Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
