If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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