my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
