just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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