drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
