I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
