our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
