i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
