the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just cropdusted the office
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
