I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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