So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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