butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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