that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
