I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
how does that bad decision feel?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
