I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
