Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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